A Decision

It was on the bus tonight that I decided to write something. I thought it would be a bit odd to publish a photo after all this time and I am well aware that I’ve lost most of my followers. No matter. The most important thing for me tonight it to actually publish something.

It has been a very long time since I have written online (barring, of course, Facebook and the odd tweet). In the year and a half-ish since I’ve left, things have changed considerably. WordPress has this new fancy two-step authentication which will let me back onto WordPress if I ever lose my phone. I’ve only half finished as I don’t have a printer. I better not lose my phone!

The other thing that has changed is that I stopped taking photos. I stopped writing. I stopped doing everything that I loved doing. Why? I didn’t know if I enjoyed doing it anymore. I was burnt out and very stressed. I needed to step away. Anxiety sapped my love of anything.

My lack of confidence has plagued my life but not to the point where it has disrupted nearly every aspect of my being. I felt I was a huge failure. For a very long time I thought I was a failure and I carried that every single day which pushed me further down the spiral of negativity. I found that very hard to live with. It paralysed me. I could find no joy in life.

I sought help and I am in the process of putting myself back together again. I’ve wanted to write for a while but it’s hard to put pen to paper – or rather type on WordPress. I’m not sure if I’m ready for the commitment of blogging again but I have the urge to take photos and I believe that if you take photos, it needs to be shared, not locked away on a hardrive. When I mean shared, I mean printed to put into an album, wall or online – somewhere that people or even if it’s just yourself can look at and appreciate the picture

Flicking back through my photos I’ve realised that, actually, they’re not bad. I’m not claiming to be the world’s best photographer, but neither am I the world’s worst photographer. In fact, I decided to print off a huge canvas of this photo and hang it in my new flat to remind me that I can actually take some decent photos.

Burnt down West Pier in Brighton
West Pier, Brighton. Lomo camera. Lomo Redscale film

I was having a look around my other blog that I used to write alongside this photography blog when I rediscovered an old post about turning 30+1. I ended with saying that you should do the things that scare you. So here I am. It is with trepidation that I return to blogging and photography.